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Encouraging
a user to quit
Most
peoples reaction when finding out that a loved one is using, is to speak to them
about stopping by threatening, pleading or begging. This wont work – heroin is
too strong an influence over their lives for them to be able to stop just
because you want them to.
Heroin
users will only stop when they are ready to. You might be able to force them by
locking them in a room, but sooner or later you will have to let them out and
they will go straight back onto it. Nothing is then achieved apart from them
being more devious and sneaky, to ensure that you don’t find out about their
relapse and force them to get clean again.
The
best way to help a user is to offer your help when THEY are ready for it. Sooner
or later they will get sick of the life and want to come off themselves, this is
the time for you to step in and encourage them further. Think about anything
that you enjoy doing that other people don’t (smoking, drinking, even things
like cycling). If someone told you to stop because they didn’t
like it – would you? Could you?
Try
to help them whilst they are still using by:
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Keeping
in contact – don’t break all contact because your loved one is a
user. They wont come to you when they need help and the best way to
succeed at getting clean is with support. Also let them know that they can
turn to you and that you will do what you can.
-
Treat
them the same as before – many people start treating users like
children, speaking down to them or not even trusting them to go to the
shop for milk incase they disappear with the money. Unless they do
something to warrant you not trusting them, show some.
-
Make
a rule about money – decide if you are willing to lend them money or
not. Many people don’t like to lend money knowing that it will be spent
on drugs, whilst others see it as stopping the addict from perhaps
committing crime and getting in further trouble if they are caught. Make
up your mind about this matter and stick to it. If you don’t want to
lend money, let them know the reasons you are unwilling and also that the
rule wont be changed. This will save them begging you in the future and
you falling out. If you are willing to lend them cash, let them know that
they will have to pay it back and that you will only lend money again, if it
is repaid. If they do let you down, stick to what you said and don’t
lend them money again.
-
Keep
temptation out of the way – most addicts would never steal from
their friend and family, although some do it easily. However, to save it
from happening ensure that you don’t put them into a situation that is
too tempting. Don’t put them in charge of large sums of money to show
you trust them, or leave them looking after your house whilst you are
away. Think about the possible outcomes of situations before you jump in.
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Be
honest – speak to them about any worries you have without lecturing
them. Let them know you are concerned – it will let them know that you
care and they also might be able to reassure you on certain things your
worried about.
-
Be
supportive and avoid suspicion – appreciate that it is hard to detox
from heroin and not everyone is successful. If they fail don’t take it
as a personal insult, offer support for the next time they try. Remember
that most people relapse a few times before they make it. Don’t keep
asking them if they are still clean or lecturing about not starting again.
As if they do relapse, they will keep it from you. Be especially careful
if they admit that they have used once, as if you make too big a deal of
it and they feel like a failure they could be pushed to using fulltime.
Say reassuring things and encourage them to view it not as a failure and
to keep going.
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Remember
the difference between lapse and relapse - after completing a detox,
trying heroin for the first time is classed as a lapse. Don't jump down
their throats about failing etc. Try to encourage them to think of it as a
minor mistake, one NOT to be repeated. Only if they continue to use will
it turn into a relapse.
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Stick
to what you say - this is the most important rule. If you say you will
do something for them in return for something they have done, then do it.
If they fail to do what you asked, don't do it. If you give them a
warning, carry it out if they don't listen. For example, don't say that
next time they will get thrown out of the house and then not do it. Stick
to what you say. If you do need to throw them out, start with a day or
two. The next time they disobey make it a week, and so on. They have to
know that they are crossing the line and that there will be consequences.
The
best way to encourage a junkie toward a safer lifestyle is to be understanding
and supportive of them. You can't make decisions for them. Keep in mind that
most heroin addicts do eventually get and stay clean and that the average length
of time that someone stays addicted to heroin is about three years. If you have
a loved one who is a heroin addict, try to be supportive as best you can but
don't let them walk all over you. Remember to ensure that YOU come first. Always
explain your reasons for things and be honest. Hopefully if you are honest about
your feelings then they will be about theirs.
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